Presently you hear movement… the trickle of disturbed rocks. Someone… or something… is approaching…. coming closer…. closer…. closer

You feel uneasy…. exposed…. vulnerable

Suddenly a tall man stands before you…. grizzled hair, scarred face, stocky, with powerful hands and thickset bull-like neck. A small brown dog cringes at his heels.

Then he sees you…. and a twisted grin spreads slowly across his face revealing blackened and broken teeth.

“You! All alone? We’ll ‘ave some fun!”

He begins to slowly move towards you.

“Nice and lonely.” His smile slides into an ugly sneer. “Like to sing do yer? Oh, I can make yer sing. I can mek you urt so as you’ll sing and scream those mountain tops right off!”

Your mouth goes dry… the hair on the back of your neck begins to rise….. you break out in a cold sweat….

The little dog whines and the man turns and kicks out viciously at it. His foot misses and he utters a string of snarling oaths as the little creature scampers away yelping…. only to turn and stand a few yards away whining and keening deep in it’s throat……… it knows what this man is like…….. it knows what this man can do…………………………………….

The man’s face becomes set…. hard…. intent…. as he slowly begins to approach you again.

You begin to slowly back away….. Fear surges over you like the waves of the sae…..

This powerful man can easily overcome you….can so easily hurt you… make you scream……… and enjoy doing it……………………………….

Suddenly, you back into hard rock……. nowhere to turn…. nowhere to run to get away from this creature who is stalking you….. you are trapped……………….. The man is much closer now… stretching out his great beefy fists to grab hold of you…… Panic…. tears spring to your eyes and you feel your gorge begin to rise……………..

Now the man is close enough to touch you……………. you want to scream………. cry out……… wretch… but you simply cannot move…………..

This is it…….. nowhere to hide………….. nowhere to run…………. no way to defend yourself…… no time left…………

……….you are about to die….. you are helpless……… this ordinary simple struggle of a life of yours

(2)

seems very precious now…. how you want to cling on to it… how you would love to be able to carry on living it…. how you love to see the clouds billowing over the mountains in the morning……… how you enjoy a scalding hot cup of tea………….. how you love the comfort of a nice warm bath……… sliding between cool clean sheets……… making love to your partner…………. loving your family…………… your parents………… brothers……… sisters…………. children………….. pets…………….your home… your garden…….. loving………….. loving……….. in these last moments before agony begins and life is extinguished you still have one last choice……. to feel love……………. to feel love……………

Suddenly you lurch forward… as if you are falling… as if there is a dark black hole beneath you… beneath you… within you – a swirling black hole of emptiness… deepest darkest black, as softest velvet or the darkest starless night…..

You are there, swirling around in this dark place…it engulfs you… but it is also you…. all of you…everything you are and ever have been and ever will be…. your essence… your true potential…

You are no longer in the hole…. the spinning dark vortex is within you.

Suddenly you feel something else stir deep within you….. deep down in your guts at the bottom of your abdomen…. a rumbling shaking fiery breath…..

…..a warmth that begins to rise upwards…..

….the strength returns to your legs as you notice the threatening thug of a man still standing before you – as if he has been frozen in mid movement….

Your stare intently into the man’s eyes…. courage…. the thrusting power of your life force surges up through your body making your whole body tingle…….. feet… legs… hands… arms…. chest… head….

Deep within you… from out of that dark swirling hole your inner dragon is awakening…. it is slowly uncoiling it’s long scaly body… panting little puffs of smoke from it’s flaring nostrils…..

Higher and higher…. as your dragon takes flight… feel the fiery strength sweep through your body – your whole being……………………. and as it reaches your heart, it feels like a thunderbolt hitting you….. as if your chest will burst…… you stagger and cough with the force of it……………..

……………..then recover your balance….. your breath………….and find yourself standing taller and straighter and you feel a warm glow slowly spreading through you as you realise that there is only one thing left that you can do…………..

Your heart feels like it will explode as a deep pink mist begins to emanate from your heart…. from your chest……. it is all you can give…. all you have left…..

The pink cloud grows larger… brighter….. you begin to realise that it is forming some sort of protection around you and you are beginning to feel safer……..

The dragon is also growing larger and roars…. your heart swells uncontrollably with love…. and you begin to smile…. your smile becomes a joyous grin as the pink mist begins streaming out from you….. not just your heart but your whole body…

(3)

You tremble with the sheer force of it…. cry out and laugh with the sheer joy of it…. watch in wonder as the love within you spills forth….. everything it touches changes…..the cold dead air is filling with little rainbows and prisms….. the sky is beginning to get lighter…. the grey rocks are melting into shades of brown… green…. purple…. yellow….

And then you notice the man still standing in front of you… he is no longer “frozen” but watching you intently…..gradually the expression on his face is changing…. something deep within his eyes is altering…. there is uncertainty there…. confusion…………………… pain………… he is strangely contorted ….shrunken……

He is still watching you as his limbs wither and recede, while all around him swirls the warm pink mist….. his eyes fill with tears and his face crumples – as if in slow motion – fall in upon itself…..

You watch horrified – this poor pathetic creature – shrinking… dissolving…. before your eyes….. You feel pity… compassion….. as the man becomes a very small child – shivering – trembling – silently crying in front of you as his abusers kick him, laugh at him as he wimpers and twitches…. they are smoking cigarettes but there is also the stench of burnt flesh… pale skin… cuts, burns and bruises… the roar of their laughter as the child begins to scream…..

Your inner dragon answers with a surging spring!

You step forward and look down at the child, feeling nothing but pity and a deep desire to help….

The shades of it’s abusers fall away from you as you bend down and slowly, gently, ever so tenderly, you gather the sobbing child into your arms and hold it to you….

…you look down into the child’s face…. the scarred, vicious face of the man who was about to attack you snarls up at you….

…but this time you are not afraid and know what to do….

You direct the love pouring from your chest onto that face…. smoothing… softening…drying the tears…..

….the man’s face begins to melt away….. the child’s face returns….

Carefully you sit down with the boy cradled in your lap….. you notice his injuries and as you do you see them begin to heal and fade away, one by one, everywhere you look, the pink beams of loving light shine out from you eyes and everything they touch is made whole and well again.

Slowly, you go over the child’s body, looking for wounds, bruises and scars, gently healing them as you see them.

The child is now sleeping peacefully in your arms – healing – recovering – growing clean and whole …

Gently, you place him on a bed of dry bracken at the foot of the cliff and turn to face the rising sun of midsummer…. the last of the clouds swirl swirl and melt away… a golden lightf loods all the valley floor below you, the mountain ridges around you on every side…. bathes you in warm light.

(4)

You spread your arms out towards the sun… your inner dragon fills your body, your mind…. and roars again…. your own dark pool of infinite potential swirls swiftly, silently in your inner core….

You gaze into the distance – seeing people… places… things that you know are hurting…. damaged…. broken….

….but looking with your new eyes, still streaming out beams of pink loving light, you notice first one and then another…. softening…. healing…. as your loving gaze falls gently upon them…. just as it did with the child’s hurts….

Think now of something in your life that needs healing – a person – a relationship – a situation – yourself – see it all before you…. surround it with the love pouring from your eyes… your chest…. gently, without judging it in any way…. just send out your love until it is all completely coated, surrounded… loved…. and leave it to absorb…. to go on healing….

Stand tall.

Know and bless that infinite dark black hole of potential deep within you – feel it there – spinning you with the joyous rhythm of life and love and all that can be….

Feel the dragon of your life force coursing with vigour, courage and joy through your veins….

Seek the blazing sun before you… allow its life-giving heat and light to be absorbed by your body… your mind… your spirit…. filling you, nurturing you, satisfying you…..

Be one with your spirit…. your energies…. your world…. you loving spirit….

…AND KNOW THE POWER OF LOVE…and rejoice…..

Make sure you are comfortable.

Sink into the feelings of your body … the softness of your animal body … earthy … permeable to the world around you … intelligent in its intuitions … Acknowledge your body.

Cup your hands over your eyes, feeling the same dark rest that your body feels in sleep. Do you see anything, even in the dark?

Cup your hands over your ears, listening to the quiet muffle of your own inner ear. Can you hear anything?

Place your fingers under your nostrils, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Feel the life-giving flow of air, moist and warm, hit your fingers. Does the air smell of anything?

Touch your tongue with a finger, wiggling your tongue about. Feel your taste buds, rough in texture but refined in taste. Can you taste anything on your finger?

Now caress some part of your skin. Feel it well. Is it smooth or rough? … Dry or greasy? … Wrinkled or young?

All of these senses you possess, the senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching are not merely human–they belong to the animal kingdom too.

Turn your mind to the Spring. Feel yourself at the very centre of it. You are surrounded by Life. See yourself standing in a great open meadow …..full of daisies, dandelions, bluebells, all sorts of spring wildflowers …..The moon is shining over the grass, tinting its green to bluey-grey. ………On the edges of the meadow is a woodland. ….Birch trees are rosy with sap. …….Every branch is bursting forth into bud…….The woods are full of shadows but you feel only deep happiness…..Look around the meadow………….an owl hoots from the woods and suddenly many little heads pop up out of the grass….. You are surrounded by hares, their soft dark figures silhouetted by the full moon …. head erect ….long ears rigid …. nose quivering …. haunches poised for escape….The moon is reflected in their glassy eyes.

To be done alone or in a group, you can use this meditation to take you exactly where you need to go most–by following the mythical and deeply symbolic elements of the ancient Northern Winter Solstice.

Materials:

Pine-tree incense
1 red candle per person
Mistletoe

Consider:

What does rebirth mean to you?

Finding your Place:

As you hold this thought in your mind, gently wiggle your left leg first, shaking off your present awareness. Now wiggle your right leg. Feel the muscle moving as your brain tells it to. With both feet centered on the ground below you, firmly plant your feet into the world below you, but do not lock your knees. Stand as though you were a tree, old and long rooted to the earth, but with a trunk bendable and kind to life’s winds. Now wiggle your fingers. Feel a gentle energy rise up through your legs and stretching into your tips. Wiggle your arms now. There is no need to be energetic about it. Roll your shoulders and neck three times. The third time, your posture will fall into a place of self awareness. Be comfortable with the space about you, well enough to know that if you sat down with your eyes closed, you would not need to look. Take one small step back, stepping into a soft sense of being. Nothing is sharp. Nothing is pungent. Nothing is disturbing. All is soft and moldable around you.

***

Entering the Mist:

This softness of being feels a mist rising from the ground, like steam off a hot bath. You feel the mist but are not too aware of it; it is just on the edge of awareness. Know that the mist makes swirls in the air, makes coils that wrap themselves around you like a blanket. You feel warm. Safe. The mist is crawling higher. There is nothing to be seen except the calm waves of mist and your own breath moving in and out. The mist becomes your own breath as you inhale and exhale it. Your body has been slightly aware of the mist all this time, but now your spirit can feel it, as you take it into yourself, making it part of your body and part of your very essence. This is an in-between place, this place full of mist …. Anything can happen here, for it is in the mist that the elements of air and water combine.

A smell suddenly wafts to your nose. Evergreen trees. Ghostly shapes of green needles and rough bark press through the mist that is now clearing from the ground. Only a shifting blanket of mist is left that slowly drifts into the tree tops. You are left in the twilight of a pine forest. It is midwinter. Below you lies a fresh, powdery layer of snow that catches the little bits of light like a thousand minute mirrors. The earth sparkles in blue shadows, white shades, and muted tones. If all the diamonds in the world were strewn across the ground, they would not be as beautiful as this snow which clings and covers the land.

Your inhale nips sharply but not painfully. The air is cold and you can feel it in your lungs. The air is also quiet. Peace has come to earth, like a baby finally fallen asleep. You smile to yourself and know this peace. A peace that rises above worries, above fears, above doubts. This is simply the peace of the moment, one moment, an eternal moment outside of time. This is a moment you can return to over and over again.

As this peace sinks into every cell and limb of your body, feel softness on your skin. Fur clothes you from head to toe. Tall snow boots. A heavy cloak that keeps out the cold. Legs wrapped in smooth warmth. A sacrifice was made for your good. You thank the animal life for this warmth, in a world before synthetic fabrics and central heating.

***

The light is failing more and more as time drags on. Darkness is settling into the rills and edges and shadows. You must move before it is too dark to see. The stars are out and you catch the glimpse of one particular star, shining through the pine boughs. It draws you like the light of a warm cottage fire; it means something to you, but you are not sure what yet. So you set off in your comfortable warmth, in the direction of this star. The snow crunches beneath you as you press into its cotton-ball like surface. You fall into an easy pace, all the while considering: what does rebirth mean?

Suddenly you realize that you are walking on a path. It is not easily seen, but the trees give way to you. It falls darker and darker, making the going difficult. The night air hangs chill as ice and your breathing is getting sharper as your limbs tire. You might need to take a rest soon, you consider. But then, you notice something ahead, about ten meters away, shining bright like a star.

You walk cautiously over to it, with wonder and attention. The trees disappear to make some sort of small clearing. This is a crossroads. Except there are only two roads leading out, other than the one you came in on. And in the very center of this crossroads, this triple road way, sits a small lantern. It is worked with the most marvelous craftsmanship, such fine metalwork, such delicate glasswork. And inside, burns a solitary candle. The candle is red, like holly berries. Red like blood.

You look above into the sky, seeing the dark expanse clearly for the first time. And there in the distance is your star. It still beckons. It still pricks something inside your heart. You must continue on, but in this darkness, you would never manage. So you take the little lantern in your hand and press onwards, thankful for the light, no matter how small.

Your journey continues at a pleasant pace. You are warm in your clothing and content with your leading lamp. There is no sound except for the crunch of the snow and the light wind that has started rustling through the eaves of the trees. The star is fixed in your sight and you move towards it. You walk like this for some time until you realize that there is other crunching snow. Something behind you. Your back stiffens but you dare not turn around yet. You want to be sure. So you walk forward, straining to listen with your entire body. Sure enough, there is something following you.

You whirl around to face it and force the lantern into its eyes. Your light goes out, but instead of being afraid, you stand dead still in awe. Though there is hardly any light, you distinguish a white stag, as tall as a horse, gazing deep into your eyes. His aged beard like that of an old man falls in fluffy waterfalls around his handsome face and strong chest. His antlers rise tall and towering, like an oak tree, and amidst the antler-limbs hangs mistletoe, the green succulent leaves frosty with white berries small. There is also some sort of moss or lichen caught; it glitters golden and pure, like a regal crown on his venerable head. His brown eyes examine you, this traveler on such a sacred night. You remember it is Yule. You point to the star and he knows. He knows. The White Stag tips his long and graceful antlers on his back, signaling you to mount.

You climb on, situating yourself comfortably. Before you know it, he is off at the speed of starlight. The wind whistles in your ears and the landscape blurs and merges until there is nothing but his steady, strong strides and you clutching his mane and lying close. His fur is like nothing you’ve ever seen or felt before. And in the softness you begin to grow drowsy, so drowsy. The earth falls away and there is nothing but the great heavens above and around you, a realm of velvet, lit with brilliant but distant flames.

***

Suddenly you both land with a thud. You jerk awake and straighten up, to behold your surroundings. Right above you is your star. It is not as bright as it once appeared to you, for it has faded. But it is definitely your star and this is the place it has led you, with the aid of the White Stag. You are above the pine trees, which stretch for miles and miles around in all directions, like a giant green carpet. But here, you are atop a tall hill, with some sort of cluster of stones at the very top. The White Stag lets you down off his broad back, and you walk towards these stones, quick to realize that they form a barrow, a cairn. It vaguely reminds you of Newgrange. The white stones shine out sharp against the black sky and you watch as the White Stag walks into its entrance. He disappears inside, into the warm but very faint glow that seems to be coming from the cairn’s depths. You follow him, curious, lantern in hand.

This is a passageway and the light is somewhere ahead, but the way leads down, as the ground gently slopes. You walk in. The air hangs heavy about you, pressure beginning to make you a bit uncomfortable. Deeper you go … and the deeper you go, the warmer it gets until you are actually forming a very light sweat. The smell of cremated remains fills your nostrils and in the poor light, faces rise and fall out of the earthen walls, marching before and behind you like a Faery Troop of the Dead. They look at you and then disappear. Face after face, familiar yet not. Gradually you realize that this very passageway is made through the soil of packed ashes. You walk on the earth, formed of decomposed ancestors. Your hands touch the walls, touch ancestors. You would normally recoil at the thought but instead it fills you with a sense of respect and veneration. Here, here lie thousands and thousands of lives, the lives that went into making your life. A sacrifice for the perpetuation of life. And you are thankful to the ancestors, this endless line of forbears. Even now you can feel their presence surrounding you, protecting you, carefully leading you along so that you do not stumble needlessly. You say a silent prayer to them, speaking your heart as only a child can.

When your prayers are finished, the passageway also ends, opening into a cave like enclosure. There is a frozen pool of water in the center. You have arrived just in time.

It is time.

***

With a decisive kick, the White Stag stamps on the ice. With the deafening thunder of cracking ice, a rumble runs through the earth, emanating from that central place. The ground shakes and you fall down to your knees, bewildered yet full of wonder. Water begins to lap at the sides of the thick but now shattered ice. The White Stag is so strong, so kingly. His very presence is melting the ice, turning it into liquid. You realize that this water, in the belly of the cairn, is actually a whirlpool, a great cauldron. Now the water is freed, awoken from sleep, and it begins rotating slowly, very slowly. A soft glow, goldeny and shimmery fills the whirlpool. And then, you watch as this glorious stag, gleaming eerily white against the darkness around him, you watch as he regally and slowly allows himself to slip below the surface of the water, now melted, until his form disappears. As his body touches the water, it begins to gurgle and simmer and heat up. He is completely enveloped. Not even his tall antlers can be seen. A steam rises in ghostly wisps … while ripples run throughout the entire surface.

The whirlpool begins to rotate slowly at first, then faster and faster, like molecules racing around and around, a galaxy in its tail-spin, a triskelle in motion. The energy levels in the room are starting to stir as well, forcing the heaviness that had once oppressed you, out of the cave. Vibrations ripple through your whole body as this movement in the earthen cauldron gathers energy and speed. Higher and higher until there is a nearly inaudible whistling in your ears. All the cells in your body feel frenzied with the energy that permeates. All senses are heightened. All awareness expands. You feel yourself being caught up in the whirling, in the swirling. This is life!

This is life flowing, awakening again after the winter death at Samhain! Oh! such a joy fills you beyond expression until you feel you will explode …. And before your very eyes, the pool of light grows brighter and brighter. The golden is like the lichen you saw on the White Stag’s antlers. You are breathless. The energy whirls like a dervish dance, spreading out and upwards, opening and enlivening all things in its touch. The ancestors are awake, singing in with the song of this energy of life. You are singing. The earth is singing. All is brilliant light now as in one sudden burst, a molten globe of this golden energy rises out of the pool. The cairn’s belly, this cave, presses upwards, until the whole area pushes through the roof, up into the air, up into the night.

The ball of light grows steadily. You feel the heat in it. You feel your soul in it. You feel the soul of the entire world in it. It melts away all the heavy energies that have been holding you down, all the dark energies that have confused but also protected you. You are now in the light, pure light. Stark and bare. Nothing hidden but the entire world in unison harmony, singing the light into being. Without helping it, you reach out, blinded, to light your candle.

And in that moment, the Sun is born. The ball of light rises into the sky and you watch the pink and golden dawn of a beautiful Yule morning. It is nearly too much for you as you realize that this dawn, you took part of it, and that this Sun is the same Stag you knew and loved. This is the light of the world, sacrifice given in love and enlightenment received with gratefulness.

***

The new Sun is still weak, like a beautiful baby, but you know that he will grow in endurance and heat as time stretches on. You look at the lit candle in your hand and know, there is life beyond death. There is hope beyond pain. There is wisdom beyond confusion. And as the Sun spreads his rays across the entire waking world, you send out these three rays of rebirth-the ray of awareness, the ray of hope, and the ray of wisdom.

You know what rebirth means. You are part of it. It is the entire process of living.

May these thoughts stay with you throughout all the year.

Now gradually feel your awareness leave the morning sun, leave the candle, leave the hilltop bathed in light. You are here, feeling rested, feeling joyful, feeling wiser. Take three deep breaths and wiggle your fingers. Be aware of their movement. Now roll your neck and shoulders and take three more deep breaths. Finish coming into awareness of your body as you would prefer, keeping what experiences you had safe and secure in your spirit and mind’s eye.

***

Now open your eyes and light the red candle in front of you, remembering this Yule Walk that you have just returned from. Take a silent moment to bless your ancestors, your loved ones, and yourself.

When you are finished, hug the person next to you. Smile and wish them a merry Christmas and a happy Yule as well.